Gluten Experiment Day two

So today I did some thing different, I decided to have a little cheese with mu lunch. I notices that I was gassy, and a small amount of heartburn and that was about it. Then at dinner I had a sandwich with out cheese, I have sour stomach as well as really bad acid reflex. I think that it's clear that I am reacting to the dairy and the gluten. It's crazy to me that I can feel such a strong difference so quickly. Weird.
I think I will start over completely tomorrow, I really think this will help my overall health.

Gluten experiment day one

Okay, so anyone who knows me knows, I have lots of tummy troubles. Either it's IBS or lactose out who knows. Well I have been talking to people with gluten problem, and recently found out I have hypothyroidism, and one thing that was suggested was to see if going gluten free will help... Well, I decided to try going gluten and dairy free to see what happens. Today was my first day that I lasted the whole day. One thing I'm already noticing is that I don't feel as bloated, and I have less heartburn. So we'll have to see what tomorrow brings...

Mom be gentle, just please be gentle

I, pledge to never again spank my children. I, pledge to not yell or scream. I know it will be hard for me but, I know better.
I read a quote today in Spanish, that said our children are not property, they are human beings, and they are our future. I want to do better I want to be better. I need to do better. So I'm going to publicly say that I will never do it again!

I sustain you!

I go to church. I go to church every Sunday, I love it! I know that to some that religion is antiquated and misogynistic. It is so much more to me though. I go to church because it make me a better person. (Matt 7:16-17 for those scriptorians ;) I am also a Woman with a mind of my own, or rather I know how to use my critical thinking skills. That being said. I wanted to share some things that I learned today that go right along with my personal journey and my desires for self betterment. 

First, when you volunteer you are blessed. I was able to play the piano today, I am legitimately terrible and that is okay, but it was a wonderful experience to practice, prepare, and to remember what it is to play music. For me playing the piano is a form of Meditation, and I didn't realize it till this morning when I was practicing, to play, you have to be in that very moment and you have to train your thoughts to focus on the now. If you don't you mess up. That probably why I am not that great at it. I have a hard time focusing, however I enjoy the challenge. To be totally honest this is exactly what I am working on in order to improve my health and over all mood. So music is wonderful, and I will leave it at that. 

The other thing that I learned was in what is called Relief Society, (where we meet as woman and talk about religious stuff) we talked about Sustaining our Leaders. There was a lot of talk about gossip, and I know that I need to work on that, it is an obvious flaw of mine.

That is not what I want to focus on either. What I did take from this discussion other then the Thumper rule. That is that to Sustain my husband. I have been working on my marriage since we started it (it a work in progress for all the marrieds). I have realized that I have gotten off course a little bit. He needs my support and love more then anything, he is human and makes mistakes I know these are obvious to most of us when we are talking about leadership, work, life. When we take it to a very real deep place like the home it is a lot harder to stomach and to do. 

So, I walked away wondering... how? How do I sustain him, and still be me? How do I give him more of the benefit of the doubt, when I am not sure of his methods or motivations? How do I forgive and love or most importantly, how can I see him the way God does, and know that we BOTH made promiss before God and others to love and sustain each other. This is exactly what I needed, and that is why I love church, because it makes me want to do better, to be better. What are your thoughts...

I love him, and I will try harder, to sustain Him. 

... the now what

So mommy blogs talk about mommy things and foody blogs talk about foody things. So this is a, I'm-a-work-in-progress-blog, so I'm going to talk about work in progress things.

Today, I want to talk about something I desperately want to get better at... parenting.

Since I can remember o have always wanted to be a mother. In fact, for years I would say I prepared for motherhood. I read books and took classes. I did everything I could to understand what to do and how to do it. Most importantly I wanted to learn about how I could never lose control. (Freak I know)

Then I meet the man of my dreams, who I felt complemented all my weakness. We were a team and madly in love, so we got married and we knew we wanted kids so we didn't wait. We first had my daughter and then two years later her brother came. Things started to change.

They don't teach you in parenting classes about fatigue or hormone shifts. In fact the only thing I knew about postpartum was the sigma it had of being unable to handle being a mom. I knew it was something for crazy ladies but most people were fine right!?

Well, I wasn't must people I was me. I was sick while pregnant, and depressed,  really depressed. It got worse the second time and that mixed with an anxiety attack lead me into my doctors office for help. It came in the form of a pill first it was fluxitine (prozac) then lexipro.

The drugs have helped me a lot, but the help came with a price. You see anti- depressants can effect lots of things, for me is been my weight and my libido. So here we are back to my now. My mr perfect and I have been through hell and back, so that I don't sit in my bed crying, or worst screaming at my kids. But the parent I was dreaming of being, had turned more like the parent of my nightmares.

So yeah, I have felt inadequate as a mother, but that's not the end by a long shot.  In all this, I have realized a few things along this trepidatious journey called motherhood.

I am not a failure because I never give up. A lot of people do, you can see them everywhere, they let life happen to them. They lash out and don't care who they hurt. I might be a C- rate mother but I am never a failure because I am doing the best I am capable of, which is probably completly inadequate, so what? Are my kids happy (must of the time) do I take care of their basic needs (including giving them love when I have none to give) yes! I make mistakes but I'd  like to meet some one who doesn't. It's God who can judge and he and my kids are who really matter.

Control is stupid cause there is no such thing. God laughs when we make plans.  Kudds just scream no and run the other way.

There is a right way to raise children. I'm sorry, but to say the is no one way to raise a child is silly. Love, love is the only way to raise children because it's so hard and scary and changes you so much, love is the only true base of parenting.

Yes there are many different styles of parenting and I know so many people that'd say that you have to, blah blah blah. Well yes, but if blah blah blah makes me feel angry and frustrated then I don't care who testified before Jesus himself,  I need to find my own path, sorry. 

So love needs to be in my heart, and I need to search for a path of teaching where I can be me and they can be them. Love is the best parenting style and the most important.

So anyways I have rambled enough and u have even added any funny pictures so, if no one reads this is okay because I wrote this for me, because I needed to be reminded of what really matters.

Next dayish

I feel inadequate, actually completly so to be exact. What I want and my reality are at a disonance. I feel like my life is off key and I'm a little pitchy.
That being said, I want to talk about why but I won't. I will just tall about the now what...

Day one

I am not even close to perfect, and neither are you.

That being said, this year has been really hard on me. We have moved three times and we have had surgeries, and lots of tears to boot.  

My husband and I have been married now for five years and there for we know nothing, I do realize that but I have learned something in that short amount of time. 

So one of the things that I am learning is to work to make things better. It is a slow and difficult process, and I am not just talking about my marriage. I am talking about me, make me better.

So part of my purpose of blogging about very personal things is for me to share this growth. I have several areas that I am working on, and it can be stressful if I don't take it in strides. I work, I am a Mom, I go to church, I do laundry and dishes, all while spending "quality time" with my kids, spouse, and oh yeah me...

So yeah I want to be better, but I going back to the beginning, I am not perfect. So do not judge me when my daughter's hair kind of looks like this. Or My hair does for that matter, and please stop asking if I am pregnant, I am not pregnant.